Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize