yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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