All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize