i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize