I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
