just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
