if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
