i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
