You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
