I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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