I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
