Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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