SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
