Duck Duck Cougar?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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