I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
