Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
