apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
