The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
