She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
me + whiskey = a bad person
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
