I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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