these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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