dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
