he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
