it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
