I just cut my nipple shaving
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
