I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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