i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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