She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
