I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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