Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
