You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ladies don't puke and tell
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
