i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
