I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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