Having a random hookup so left but love u
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
