My liver just broke up with me...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
