He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
