you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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