My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
