Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Holy sore nipples Batman
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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