I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
