Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
