u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
