What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
