yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize