4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
this hospital has no fireball
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
