when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When are your genitals available?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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