I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
