Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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