My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
