I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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