Banned from zoo.
Again?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
