are you still at the devil's house?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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