so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You can't special order awesome
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
