I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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