my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
