i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
