This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
