I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
