I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
