in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize