i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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