dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Sorry my hands just texted you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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