Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize