I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
