My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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