That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
