I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
